Tuesday, April 10, 2001

Two weeks ago today, in a rather abrupt but sympathetic manner, we found out that our son, Chris, age twenty-five, a YSU student and employee in the management office at YSU, a caring and loving and, perhaps, too compassionate of a man, was dead. After waiting for his return home for several days and calling and emailing friends who may have known his whereabouts and after filing a missing person’s report with the local police department, our worse fears were realized. The shock was devastating and has taken a toll on our family and those who care about us. This note is to thank all those who responded to our time of need in ways that may never be truly expressed but none-the-less appreciated and held close to our hearts.

At this time, however, we would like to celebrate the life that Chris had. He had his share of trials and tribulations like we all do, illnesses, allergies and troubles, but he so loved his friends, family and co-workers that he did his best to hold onto his life. It had become too much for him to bear and we perceive he is now at peace.

Chris loved to learn. When he was a little boy and had not yet learned how to read for himself, he carefully walked down the stairs to the living room with his arms loaded with books. He looked at me pleadingly and said, “Mom, I love words…. would you read me all of these words?” I read to him that day until my throat was hoarse. He and Tina would sit quietly for hours as I sat between them and read and read and read. Tina was so proud when she could read Chris an entire book, completely on her own, when she was all of six years old. Tina was only 15 months old when Chris was born so it was with some difficulty that she once fed him a bottle. She had asked to feed him several times and I finally relented. I sat her in the corner of the couch with a pillow to prop his little head so she could hold him partially on her tiny lap and yet still hold the bottle so he could drink. She grinned from ear to ear for the entire feeding and seemed satisfied to finally get her wish. The closeness that Tina and Chris had then never ceased.

Chris and Tina played Pong when they were two and three years old respectively. That began a love that Chris had for gaming and computers. Nearly every day some time was spent in the office with his dad on his computer, time that Steve will forever treasure. Chris used his computer as much as he could for homework, gaming on the internet and in person with his friends, as well as for writing stories, making characters for games and when he beta-tested video games for a manufacturer. Chris so enjoyed gaming with his friends. Many days over the years he and his friends gathered here or in other homes to play, share food and have fun. Gaming was a true joy in his life.

Chris and Tina’s love of theme parks came from touring Kings Island as toddlers with Steve, his mother, Marge, and myself, then riding kiddy rides at Idora Park on outings with Joe and Susie, the next-door neighbors. Those trips expanded to Disney World when the kids were six and seven traveling with Dan, Janice, Sherm, Sandy and their kids (my extended family) and our family went to Cedar Point nearly every year until the time came that the two of them could drive themselves and take their friends instead of being with “The P’s” as Tina so affectionately refers to Steve and I.

On the day of Chris’ memorial service, I wore the dress that I wore to his wedding. The dress was only worn on those two occasions. Albeit the marriage did not work out, Chris had said that his wedding day was the happiest day of his life and I wanted to honor him by wearing the dress. It will never be worn again out of respect for his memory. I won’t keep it. I’ll give it to charity so that someone else may have a special occasion in which to wear it.

As I look back over this year, I could see how difficult it was for Chris to hold on to what had become his fragmented life. The family vacation to Disney World this past December was a wonderful time, one that will never be forgotten. I do believe that he was tying up loops, even if it wasn’t on a conscious level. He was quite sick all of this year but did his best not to miss too much school or too many days of work. He did not want to get behind on his classes and he knew that there were those who depended on him to do his job well.

On March 24, 2001, I spoke to him one last time. I got to hug him and tell him the usual “mom” platitudes that “things would be all right” when he related disappointing news after cutting short a highly anticipated camping trip with his friends. He looked for his favorite hat, got all dressed up, did his hair and checked his computer for any last minute email messages he may have received while his dad sat nearby. As Chris turned to leave the house and said that he was going for a drive, I said, okay, honey, thinking he would simply come back in a few hours, visit his friend Joe or go back to camp with his friends. As he turned and opened the door, his eyes were downcast and in a way that I may never live to truly understand, he must have been getting ready to say his reluctant goodbyes to a world that had become too harsh and complicated for him to bear. His life would come to an end later that evening.

We love our son and miss him terribly. We thank Steve’s cousin Patrick for driving from Harrisburg to give the eulogy at Chris’ service. For Tina, Steve’s sister, Linda, and her husband, Pete, for driving straight to the house. We thank our neighbors, who are dear and close friends, for making phone calls, making arrangements for a hall via numerous phone calls, including one to Keith Paul in Columbus so he could use his influence to make last minute plans. We thank all who brought food and for simply being at the house or the funeral home to share our sorrow. We thank our family members, many who dropped what they were doing to drive or fly to be at our side. We thank my sister Mary for all her continued support, Barb LaRosa for taking a 5 AM call and relating the news to the neighbors then getting together with Joe, Susie, Chris and Sam to get the hall ready. We thank Bob and Gary, Steve’s co-workers, for their timely arrival, assisting with funeral arrangements, their kind words and sympathetic gestures. We thank all those who sent flowers, cards, called us on the phone or emailed and attended the service. We thank all for sharing a tear and for relating happy memories about Chris that will live on in our memories. Our lives will never be the same, but we are far, far richer for having had Chris in our lives and for knowing and loving him for nearly 26 years.